A BBS Story

 The Modemer                       The SysOp
 The  first  time  is  always the     The BBS has been up almost  three
 hardest.   How  did  I  ever let     weeks. Still can't figure out how
 John  talk me into this?   Sure,     I  ever  let John  talk  me  into
 he  set  up  the  modem  and the     this!   Sure, I was BBSing awhile
 software, but where is he when I     and it's been hard, but it's been
 really need him?    My first BBS     worth it!                        
 call!                                                                 

 There! It says "CONNECT 2400". I     Hmmm,  a  new caller.  Wonder  if
 guess  I'm on (gulp).    Hey!  A     he'll like the board. Hope he no-
 logo.  OK, now it wants my name.     tices the opening screen. Took me
 C-H-U-C-K  Last name? OK...  Not     almost  8 hours to get it  right.
 on  the  user  list?!  Of course     The  software always has to  men-
 not, I've never called... Oh, do     tion the obvious; of course  he's
 I want to register?  Sure.           not in the user list.            

 "WELCOME NEW USERS!"  Let's see,     I  hope  John was  right  that  I
 no   handles  (handles?),  voice     needed to be specific when  talk-
 verified  (do I  talk to my com-     ing  to new users.  And I  placed
 puter?), registration door, com-     that comment requirement in three
 ment to  Sysop (Sysop?), ratios,     different places just to find out
 MarkMail,  no  abusing   system,     if   people  really  read   these
 Node 2 (Node?).   Man,  do  they     things. It's not really important
 have  a  dictionary  for   these     that they leave a message, but...
 terms?  I hope there isn't a pop     as long as they see all the info.
 quiz at the end!                     Don't need any hassles.          

 $20 subscription.  I wonder if I     Hmmm, is $20 too much to ask? But
 get magazines with that.  What's     it's  so  expensive.  Buying  the
 this; password.   Yea, John said     software,  paying that extra clip
 I need one.   Okay, N-O-V-I-C-E.     to  Ma Bell for the  second phone
 Enter it again?   What was wrong     line.  Registering all the share-
 with the first time?  Now, "City     ware doors and games not to  men-
 and State".  "Business  or  data     tion all the long distance  phone
 phone"?   Is it going to call me     calls  I made collecting so  many
 at work? "Home phone"; gee, next     files,  plus mail for the message
 they'll  want  to  know what I'm     bases.  Wow,  maybe I should  ask
 watching on the TV!                  for more.                        

 "Brand of CPU"?   Let's  see, it     Oh, poor guy, using an XT; well I
 says  XT-1000.   Man,  I hope no     started  with  one. And  he's  so
 one  is  watching me try to type     slow! I bet he reads every bulle-
 all this.   What's this? "Ascii,     tin!  Wonder  if  20  minutes  is
 Xmodem...    Protocol"?? I don't     enough  time to register?   Well,
 know  anything about that formal     they  said it should  be  plenty.
 stuff, what kind of BBS is this?     Bet  he's new to  BBSing...  Wish
 Better say none.  Good, that was     they'd include instructions  when
 the last question! I was running     they sell new users a modem. I've
 out of answers.  Wonder how many     explained some things so often, I
 I got right?                         could just scream.               

 Do  I  want to chat with someone     Hmmm, no one's on the other Node.
 on  the  other Node?    What's a     Glad it's working though.  Cost a
 Node?   The  last 10 callers?  I     fortune and a lot of hair ripping
 don't  know  them.   All  right,     to  get it working right.  Nights
 I've  downloaded  and uploaded 0     without sleep,  trying to  figure
 files;  well, of course, this is     out  what  goes  where  and  it's
 my first time! But at least I've     still  not setup exactly the  way
 heard of downloading!  Now, what     I'd like, but how much longer can
 are these, notices?                  I spend on one node???!!!        

 Boy-there sure is a lot of read-     I  hate  writing  all  that  news
 ing on these BBSs.   Now, "Press     stuff.  Wish I could find someone
 Enter". Updates?  More Updates..     to  write it for me.  Maybe  I'll
 and more.   They should just FAX     just  take  it out.  Should  make
 this stuff  to me so I can spend     logging on much quicker.  Most of
 the next  couple  weeks  reading     it's in the bulletins anyway  but
 it! I think my eye has a cramp!      it IS important.                 

 Ah,  my  statistics.  We must be     Shame they never read the  bulle-
 getting close to the end. Bulle-     tins.  Maybe I should give them a
 tins?  "Do  I want to register?"     quiz on the stuff! But I remember
 I thought I just did!   OK, "Y".     that  guy who got in trouble  be-
 Rules  and  Regulations?   Well,     cause  he didn't have  all  those
 there couldn't be much more. New     disclaimers and notices. I swear,
 User   Information,  Disclaimer,     you need a lawyer to tell you  if
 Notices!  I  think I need  a BBS     it's  okay to go to the  bathroom
 for the reading impaired!            these days.                      

 I've  entered  my name, address,     Ahhh,  here's the juicy question-
 phone  numbers, birthdate, occu-     naire.  The one that's gonna give
 pation, and hobbies.   "How long     him guest access.  My he is a new
 have  you  been  modeming?"   10     user,  BBSing only 10 minutes!  I
 subscribe?  YES, anything if you     should  pop in and ask him a  few
 will stop asking me questions!!      more questions.                  

 Ah FINALLY! "(1 Left) Main Board     Hope he leaves me a comment  like
 Command?" Hmmm, wonder what that     he  should  but he  doesn't  have
 "1 Left" means? ## .- NO CARRIER     much time.  Maybe I'll just  give
                                      him a little extension so he  can
                                      finish...   Ooops, too late.